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Nuns who are Alcoholics and Write Short Stories


I'll leave samples of pieces I'm working on here periodically. Recently I've been writing absurdist short stories, in the mixed traditions of Daniil Kharms, Jeanette Winterson, and Michael Lockwood. Here's one that I like to perform when my dear friend, Becca, is standing next to me.

Nuns who are Alcoholics and Write Short Stories

There were two nuns. They were nuns who were alcoholics who wrote short stories. One was an unremarkable Protestant nun who let the light of God shine through her and tried her best to forget her own authorship – both of her short stories and of her actual life. The other was the first Jewish nun. She had chosen faith in God to quell obsessive thoughts and become a better writer. Both liked techno quite a bit. At one time they had thought it was the search for a secular God. One loved men too much; the other hated. The problem was their ruminative personalities (which you will just have to trust me on: there is not time to demonstrate their ruminative personalities), which made them prime candidates for becoming devout.

They did things like drink themselves into oblivion, wear no clothes in the cold till their ears stung (just one nun did this), eat only acai bowls and only once every three days, and beat themselves viciously with sex crops. This was ostensibly to bring them closer to God, but, really, both took pleasure in their own pain. One nun had serious philosophical contemplations regarding the epistemology of pain – experiencing pain as confirmation, observing pain as doubt – while the other nun really just tried hard to be a flute. For God to play on – you know how it goes with these types.

Occasionally they would take Bacardi shots (no chaser) and make lists of their own qualities. They had many qualities. They would burn these lists.

#flashfiction #shortstory #reallyshortstory

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